Setting Boundaries with Family: Taking Care of Yourself Around Unsupportive Loved Ones

The holidays are here, which means food, festivities, and… family. For some, that’s a delight. 

For others, it can be a bit more complicated. If you’ve ever found yourself in situations where family gatherings cause you more stress than joy, you’re not alone. 

Setting boundaries with family can feel like a monumental task, especially with those who might not be so supportive of who you are or where you’re going in life.

But here’s the thing: boundaries aren’t about rejecting family—they’re about caring for your mental health and well-being. 

By learning ways of setting boundaries with family, you’re putting your emotional needs first and paving the way for healthier interactions.

1. Recognize What You Need

Setting boundaries with family starts with understanding your needs. 

Do you need more space? Fewer invasive questions about your life? When you identify what you’re protecting, it becomes easier to set boundaries that help you feel safe and respected.

For example, you might realize that every holiday, you end up feeling drained or triggered by certain conversations. 

Taking time to notice patterns and emotions will help you figure out what boundaries can help you avoid these situations. 

Maybe it’s avoiding certain topics, or perhaps it’s stepping away for a few minutes to recharge.

2. Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly and Kindly

Once you’ve identified what you need, the next step in setting boundaries with family is to communicate those needs. 

For many, the hardest part of boundaries is expressing them—after all, you don’t want to offend anyone. But boundaries are best received when they’re communicated calmly and kindly.

For instance, if you’re often met with questions about your love life, you might say, “I appreciate your interest, but I’m choosing not to discuss that right now.” 

Simple, polite, and effective! If the topic comes up again, gently restate your boundary: “I’d really like to focus on enjoying our time together and would prefer not to go there.”

3. Stay Firm Without Guilt

Here’s where it gets challenging: some family members might not understand or respect your boundaries right away. 

But you don’t need anyone’s approval to protect your peace! 

If you’re used to giving in, practicing setting boundaries with family may stir up feelings of guilt. Remember, boundaries are acts of self-respect and compassion, not rejection.

Each time you stand by your boundary, you reinforce its importance and establish a healthier dynamic with your family. 

It may be uncomfortable initially, but over time, you’ll start noticing how much more at ease you feel.

4. Create an Exit Plan for Overwhelming Moments

Family gatherings can be overwhelming, especially if your boundaries are new or still forming. In such moments, an “exit plan” can save the day! 

For example, you could drive separately or plan to check in with a supportive friend if you need a quick pep talk. Taking breaks to step outside or simply walking away for a minute can be hugely helpful.

Having an exit strategy isn’t about avoiding people—it’s about making sure you can take a breather when things get intense. 

A moment to reset can help you return to the room feeling more grounded and in control.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

As difficult as it may seem, saying “no” can be one of the most powerful ways of setting boundaries with family. 

Whether it’s declining an invitation or refusing to engage in a particular conversation, saying “no” helps you honor your needs and limitations. 

If attending a certain gathering feels more stressful than joyful, consider politely opting out. A simple, “I won’t be able to make it this time, but I hope you all have a wonderful gathering” is enough.

The goal here is to create a holiday season that feels manageable and pleasant for you. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.

6. Practice Self-Care Before and After Family Gatherings

Being around unsupportive family members can be draining. 

Practicing self-care before and after these interactions can help you feel more centered and less affected by external dynamics. Whether it’s meditation, journaling, or simply enjoying a quiet cup of tea, find what restores you.

By incorporating self-care, you create an emotional buffer that can help you stay calm and positive, no matter what the gathering brings. Even a few minutes of self-care can go a long way in protecting your peace.

7. Seek Support for Setting Boundaries with Family

Setting boundaries with family is often tough to do alone. 

If you find it challenging to navigate family dynamics or stick to your boundaries, support from friends, partners, or a therapist can make all the difference. 

Therapy, in particular, is a great tool for working on family boundaries, providing you with insights, coping strategies, and the encouragement to protect your peace.

Family dynamics are complex, but there are resources to help you along the way. You don’t have to shoulder this alone; support can make all the difference.

FAQs on Setting Boundaries with Family

What are examples of boundaries in a family?

Family boundaries can include respecting privacy, refraining from certain discussions, or respecting time and space. For example, a boundary might be asking family members not to visit without calling first or refraining from discussing topics like politics.

How do you set boundaries with toxic family members?

Setting boundaries with toxic family members involves calmly and clearly stating your limits and holding firm even if they don’t initially respect them. This may mean limiting contact, saying “no” when needed, or stepping away from conversations that feel harmful.

What are the symptoms of having no boundaries?

Without boundaries, you may feel constantly overwhelmed, resentful, or even anxious around others. You might find yourself saying “yes” to things that drain you or struggling to speak up when uncomfortable.

What is the best therapy for setting boundaries?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other talk therapies are great for setting boundaries, as they focus on recognizing patterns and practicing communication skills. An alternative approach would be Energy Psychology.

Energy Psychology is an emerging therapeutic approach that integrates psychological techniques with principles from energy medicine. 

This modality focuses on the relationship between the mind, emotions, and the body’s energy systems, such as meridians, chakras, or biofields. Techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Thought Field Therapy (TFT), and energy tapping are often used to help individuals release emotional blockages and reprogram negative beliefs.

For boundary-setting, Energy Psychology can be particularly effective in addressing underlying fears or emotional triggers that make it challenging to assert oneself.

Looking to start your healing journey? Consider starting with Dr. Donette Alexis at Flux Clinic. Get started today.